really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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