Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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