There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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