I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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