I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
