Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
