a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
