she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
