i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize