I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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