Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I want her autograph on my taint
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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