I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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