i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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