so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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