im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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