Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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