Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
