$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
