Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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