I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
