oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
