Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
