You're a womanizer and a bitch.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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