you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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