Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
