one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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