He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
