Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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