Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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