I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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