Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
