so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize