I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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