I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
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some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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