i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
