The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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