woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize