I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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