I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
