The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
