Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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