so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
