When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
