i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
