so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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