im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize