True but thats because hes a fetus.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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