when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
