We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
