I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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