Whod you bang
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize