If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
