wanna go halves on a baby?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
