mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
