sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
