some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
