Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This house was built for laser tag.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
