One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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