New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize