apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
