I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
