I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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