mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
