Sry I called you an 8
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
There's even glitter on my cock...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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