I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
