I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
