I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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