..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
