this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
