He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
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IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The dick lei will go down in squad history
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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