I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize