I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
