She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
