he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I pour the whiskey from now on
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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