watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
is wine microwaveable?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
