Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
